I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
