Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
