I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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