Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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