as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
