she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
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I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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