Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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