imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
