booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
