Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
