How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
