he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
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It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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