Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
