i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
