She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
