I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
