no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
