its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
