I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
3 2 1 whiskey
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
