when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
