my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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