I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
