don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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