just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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