I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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