is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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