It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
