I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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