She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
