There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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