The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize