i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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