im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
