I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
