her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
