I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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