Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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