yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
