You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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