I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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