Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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