im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
