Got a toothbrush?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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