Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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