i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
