Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
