I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
