started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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