i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
