hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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