dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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