Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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