i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.