I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
