There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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