sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
