Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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