I think I died a long time ago.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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