what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
