I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
