Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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