I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy