i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
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i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants