Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?

  (760): View more from California

  I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.

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  (760): Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool. (912): What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar? (760): I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out. http://tfl.nu/o1sk
  Replies (26) Good night (4711) Bad night (821)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  accomplished twins. life is a go

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  (651): accomplished twins. life is a go http://tfl.nu/t3ng
  Replies (4) Good night (4066) Bad night (526)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac

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  (206): alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac http://tfl.nu/kfdr
  Replies (5) Good night (3126) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm out of practice. be my yoda

  (314): View more from Missouri

  put your penis in her you must.

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  (314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e
  Replies (58) Good night (18365) Bad night (1148)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?

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  (214): hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming? http://tfl.nu/vu51
  Replies (12) Good night (6022) Bad night (1213)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.

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  (716): i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby. http://tfl.nu/gnwv
  Replies (35) Good night (4277) Bad night (1267)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that

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  (856): dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that http://tfl.nu/vsra
  Replies (34) Good night (5798) Bad night (1223)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash

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  (570): So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash http://tfl.nu/zmae
  Replies (3) Good night (813) Bad night (3034)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.

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  (+44): Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect. http://tfl.nu/gla7
  Replies (3) Good night (759) Bad night (1870)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER

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  (215): I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER http://tfl.nu/d76b
  Replies (7) Good night (1347) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.

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  (410): well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you. http://tfl.nu/1rtw
  Replies (5) Good night (713) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed

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  (254): I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed http://tfl.nu/euid
  Replies (3) Good night (615) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation

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  (281): I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation http://tfl.nu/41s4
  Replies (1) Good night (306) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Daily.

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  (702): Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision (970): Daily. http://tfl.nu/0fgj
  Replies (0) Good night (586) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I just told a bottle to be chill

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  and meant it

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  (604): I just told a bottle to be chill (604): and meant it http://tfl.nu/uxaa
  Replies (2) Good night (584) Bad night (276)

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