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• (858): View more from California

  I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

  Fav 15 4584 716

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.

  Fav 11 1580 2438

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.

  Fav 16 4532 2183

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.

  Fav 7 1078 2480

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?

  Fav 5 1408 706

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• (858): View more from California

  I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake

  Fav 9 1348 979

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.

  Fav 7 1385 872

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.

  Fav 3 1519 643

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• (585): View more from New York

  Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night

  Fav 2 715 418

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• (315): View more from New York

  Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.

  Fav 1 375 177

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.

  Fav 1 86 9

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?

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