Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  True but thats because hes a fetus.

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  (212) True but thats because hes a fetus. http://tfl.nu/yw68
  Replies (6) Good night (670) Bad night (969)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

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  (603): i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening (508): yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night http://tfl.nu/fae5
  Replies (45) Good night (5537) Bad night (666)
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  (714): View more from California

  i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.

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  (714): i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing. http://tfl.nu/3dga
  Replies (12) Good night (649) Bad night (3611)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore

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  (405): Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore http://tfl.nu/6icm
  Replies (27) Good night (584) Bad night (3331)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.

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  (208): Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/oxm0
  Replies (5) Good night (922) Bad night (3212)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is it because I queefed?

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  (610): Is it because I queefed? http://tfl.nu/rxys
  Replies (54) Good night (954) Bad night (6134)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.

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  (262): Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile. http://tfl.nu/y44t
  Replies (27) Good night (808) Bad night (7120)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.

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  (217): Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship. http://tfl.nu/eyj6
  Replies (9) Good night (4705) Bad night (1018)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon

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  (773): I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon http://tfl.nu/rw5r
  Replies (10) Good night (3089) Bad night (1131)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok

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  (785): Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok http://tfl.nu/c6qb
  Replies (7) Good night (3194) Bad night (833)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.

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  (240): im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself. http://tfl.nu/qkn1
  Replies (2) Good night (971) Bad night (2415)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL

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  (206): Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL http://tfl.nu/gjdn
  Replies (15) Good night (1170) Bad night (3814)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention

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  (228): I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention http://tfl.nu/1mmd
  Replies (6) Good night (1614) Bad night (827)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or

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  (303): ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or http://tfl.nu/vwgc
  Replies (21) Good night (1789) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.

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  (760): Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application. http://tfl.nu/49rg
  Replies (1) Good night (883) Bad night (329)

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