apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.