Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.

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  (815): There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick. http://tfl.nu/npkp
  Replies (43) Good night (8037) Bad night (831)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.

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  (231): Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it. http://tfl.nu/ct5c
  Replies (8) Good night (4431) Bad night (523)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

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  (843): I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again. http://tfl.nu/1qgn
  Replies (76) Good night (21880) Bad night (1445)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.

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  (813): They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century. http://tfl.nu/yuyb
  Replies (14) Good night (4003) Bad night (702)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins

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  (507): Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins http://tfl.nu/hk0d
  Replies (12) Good night (5686) Bad night (1115)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

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  (608): I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her. http://tfl.nu/mczp
  Replies (28) Good night (2660) Bad night (12086)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.

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  (808): You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him. http://tfl.nu/k2hw
  Replies (27) Good night (1558) Bad night (3218)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car

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  (330): what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8812
  Replies (18) Good night (1471) Bad night (3011)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"

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  (774): If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?" (774): It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?" http://tfl.nu/cbil
  Replies (8) Good night (2594) Bad night (654)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  all of the above

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  (303): so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after??? (1-303): all of the above http://tfl.nu/yvgg
  Replies (2) Good night (1425) Bad night (342)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober

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  (606): Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober http://tfl.nu/4i83
  Replies (3) Good night (820) Bad night (439)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!

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  (864): my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year! http://tfl.nu/rim4
  Replies (8) Good night (753) Bad night (354)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days

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  (651): You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days http://tfl.nu/dsf3
  Replies (4) Good night (602) Bad night (421)
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  (315): View more from New York

  It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.

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  (315): It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people. http://tfl.nu/powz
  Replies (2) Good night (963) Bad night (214)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.

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  (540): These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love. http://tfl.nu/3io8
  Replies (1) Good night (481) Bad night (199)

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