Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I thought you said his peep was too small

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.

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  (505): I thought you said his peep was too small (1-505): it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on. http://tfl.nu/ttsw
  Replies (11) Good night (706) Bad night (1783)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

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  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (98) Good night (27869) Bad night (1958)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.

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  (508): Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole. http://tfl.nu/xgp0
  Replies (5) Good night (2303) Bad night (711)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.

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  (785): Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before. http://tfl.nu/gt36
  Replies (6) Good night (1673) Bad night (1534)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.

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  (970): Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose. http://tfl.nu/6jp2
  Replies (3) Good night (743) Bad night (1859)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'

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  (703): Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention' http://tfl.nu/1dne
  Replies (3) Good night (1236) Bad night (606)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.

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  (603): Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight. http://tfl.nu/r24v
  Replies (17) Good night (2150) Bad night (1177)
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  (081): View more from

  KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!

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  (081): KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP! http://tfl.nu/zqfd
  Replies (14) Good night (738) Bad night (1288)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few

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  (617): I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few http://tfl.nu/zw2s
  Replies (8) Good night (947) Bad night (1982)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.

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  (919): We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible. http://tfl.nu/ny7k
  Replies (0) Good night (748) Bad night (360)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.

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  (770): I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid. http://tfl.nu/3jns
  Replies (2) Good night (1360) Bad night (296)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment

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  (978): He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment http://tfl.nu/j7an
  Replies (3) Good night (284) Bad night (592)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.

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  (312): I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again. http://tfl.nu/ffgl
  Replies (0) Good night (264) Bad night (494)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i've gotta research that and get back to you.

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  (740): it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky. (419): i've gotta research that and get back to you. http://tfl.nu/7k7v
  Replies (1) Good night (554) Bad night (346)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all

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  (501): The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all http://tfl.nu/rl4u
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (165)

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