so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
