The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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