Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
