Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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